Benefits of and how to Stop Complaining!

“Running on stress while complaining about it” – that is a direct quote from the Enneagram type 6. That’s me. Almost all my life I was told by different people to STOP COMPLAINING. It didn’t sink in. I didn’t know how to stop, as I told myself – I wasn’t  COMPLAINING. But I was. And I let the suffering of myself and others continue..

Do you relate? {whispering} Are you a complainer too?

Let’s drop that like a hot potato. Kick that complaining to the curb and be a more positive content person. You can do this!

I did it. Several of my coaching clients have done it. You can too!

It won’t be overwhelming, as I’ll break it down to simple steps. Don’t let the anxiety take over!

You got this!

This post continues with the 4 part blog series to have a better day, leading to a better life. First, we talked about gratitude, and then benefits of meditation for people with anxiety and relationship struggles. This one is about, complaining.

express dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event.
“local authorities complained that they lacked sufficient resources”
synonyms: protestgrumblewhinebleatcarpcavilgrouse, make a fuss
stop complaining, reduce anxiety, anxiety, help my relationship, relationship, happy, how to be happy, positive, positive mindset, complain, get a raise, get a promotion, improve relationships

Why stop complaining?

Complaining is a HABIT, one that you can break. When you do break the habit you will notice a POSITIVE shift in your life – and amazingly it will benefit those around you, like your kid, partner, and co-workers. People will start to form a different impression of you, and you will attract more positivity to your life.

Right now, people are forming an impression of you based on your moaning and groaning. Unfortunately, that impression is usually a negative one. An “I want to stay away from that person” impression. How about the “they bring me down” impression. OR, the counterproductive “I’m going to ignore them cause they are always complaining” impression.

There are tons of benefits to stop complaining:

  • leave a better impression on others / improved reputation
  • you’ll simply feel better
  • be more in CONTROL of your circumstances
  • have more choice
  • feel more empowered and in charge
  • overall less anger and aggression (anxiety does that to you)
  • life will seem easier
  • less overwhelm
  • feel more content and peaceful in every aspect of your life (opposite of anxiety)
  • less or no more anxiety

Taking a proactive approach to your life puts you in the driver’s seat. Ditching the complaining and trying to look on the bright side isn’t just froo froo fancy stuff. It truly will bring good things to your world. When you ditch whining – really making efforts to limit your bemoaning, optimism is a natural result.

Diving Deeper, What Is The Cost of Complaining?

Constant negativity is harming your life. It’s stripping your joy away. It’s causing damage to your relationships, career, and to your own mental AND physical wellbeing. We might be getting a little nerdy down this path, bear with me.

Let’s look at just some of the ways your life suffers at the hands of complaining:


Most people don’t like to be around complainers as it’s a huge turnoff. Even worse, constant complaining can be contagious. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to join a moaning and groaning session when you’re around a Negative Nancy? Unfortunately, it’s possible that you’re the bad influence.

Developing the awareness is important to see if it’s YOU that is the lead complainer. If this is the case, it’s likely your circle has noticed too. Most of us make an effort to avoid spending time with negative people because it doesn’t feel good to be around their bad attitudes. Being a daily complainer will probably be the fuel needed to lose important relationships and attract negative people to you. Lose/Lose situation.

Think about it, has complaining caused friction with your partner?


Your reputation is one that follows you around. Plus soft skills like good communication and strong listening ability can lead to rising in the ranks, as well as improve your profit margin if you’re a business owner. Your people skills are definitely noticed!

How you make others FEEL is what they remember.

Do you want them to remember complaining or negativity? What you say and how you make others feel play into your work success. If you’re known as a constant complainer, you can pretty much guarantee yourself career stagnation. Those who never seem happy and are always griping aren’t known to be good leaders. No matter how skilled you are at your position, you probably won’t excel if you gain a reputation as a complainer.

Positive professionals are what managers look for, who buyers want to buy from, and who your network wants to refer.


As odd as it seems, your physical and emotional health may suffer the most when it comes to constant complaining.

In fact, it’s been shown that your brain actually wires itself for negativity when that is your habit.

That’s because neural pathways love HABITS and say, “OK this is my new pattern, let’s do it!” Yay, grumble, grumble, dance-a-thon in the brain.

There is a term call neuroplasticity, wherein layman’s terms, your brain is flexible and can adapt to new patterns. Over time, the complaining forms negative pathways – so what you see is negativity. What you feel is negativity. What you do is complain. This cycle helps establish a firm pattern in your brain.

Congratulations, you unknowingly wired negativity into your brain. Congratulations, you can rewire for positivity. Neuroplasticity is BEAUTIFUL.

Chronic complaints have also proven to shrink the hippocampus, the part of the brain that is responsible for problem-solving, and to increase the hormone cortisol, known as the stress hormone. Cortisol is released with anxiety and then adding complaining to the mix, it floods your bloodstream even more. Having a high Cortisol level is DANGEROUS! Heart attacks, worsening anxiety, depression, diabetes, illness – they are coming for you, with high Cortisol. This even impacts your memory, reasoning, and ability to sleep. Bad, bad, no good.

One more point for effect: COMPLAINING WORSENS ANXIETY. It’s possible that getting rid of the complaining could potentially alleviate anxiety. For reals.

Protect your health. There are people that love you. Stop complaining. Do it to help take back control of your anxiety.

Choose Something Else

Ok, hopefully, you now understand the why and consequences of continuing with complaining. Here’s the opportunity to CHOOSE something else.

Positive thinking WILL come more naturally with practice. I promise you, cause there is neuroscience behind it.

Simply point, complaining is a negative verbal request for a missing need. It is passive. Take action and CHOOSE how to get your need met. You deserve that.

So, here are some ideas of what to choose instead:

  • Relief – are you uncomfortable? Stop and think if you need ease in this moment. Create that.
  • Calm – are you stressed? Stop and think if you need to connect to your breathing to calm yourself. Do that.
  • Happiness – are you unhappy? Stop and think if you need to make a life change – or just a moment change. Do that.
  • Connection – are you lonely? Stop and think how you can reconnect. DO THAT.
  • Empowerment – do you feel out of control? Stop and think how you can set better boundaries, like saying “No”. Implement that.
  • Self Care – are you neglecting yourself? Stop and think how you can love/pamper yourself. Take care of your needs.
  • Action – are you stuck in inaction? Stop and think how you can move forward. Brainstorm the shit out of that! Pick an action and GO!

It takes time, intentional practice and awareness to stop complaining.

Little action steps to assist you with stop complaining:

  • Ditch Negative Influences. It may not be possible in all circumstances, so minimize your time with them if that is your only option.
  • Smile. Smile at strangers, in the car, at the grocery store. Gosh, darn it, Smile!
  • Find Excitement – what do you have planned that you are looking forward to?
  • Change your environment: pick up the clutter, even better DECLUTTER and get rid of that crap, paint your walls, change your bedspread, open the curtains and let the light in.
  • Go outside. Take a walk in nature. Walk barefoot in the grass. Smell the roses. Listen to the birds.
  • Help someone out. Your co-worker, a stranger, your spouse, a neighbor – it can be anyone. Offer assistance. Bring them a coffee. Give a hug.

You truly can go from complaining to contentment. It just takes some practice and dedication on your part.

If all else fails, do this:

One of my FAVORITE questions to ask myself when I think about complaining is, “What do I need?” I mean, it boils down to needs that are unfulfilled. Sometimes I need quiet, warmth, sleep, connection – heck, sometimes I’m scared or feel unsafe and need soothing or security.

It’s good to know what you need, and even better when you know how to get that need fulfilled. If you are lonely, seek connection – like a chat, hug, or companionship. Don’t let your ego get in your way, because this is a NEED – not a want.

All in all, it’s possible to stop complaining

There are lots of concrete steps you can take to banish complaining for good. It just takes a little practice and effort to break old habits.

Learning to lessen the frequency of your complaints doesn’t mean that you’ll never feel negative emotions again or that things won’t ever upset you. However, making a concerted effort to stop complaining is about your overall mindset and the frequency with which you complain. Changing your ways and adopting a new mindset won’t happen overnight, but it’s definitely worth the effort.

For the love of overcoming anxiety – STOP COMPLAINING.

Leave a comment on what you will ASK for instead of complaining. I’m looking forward to reading your comments!