Emotional Control Roller Coaster
Unintentional Ignorance
Emotional control was a joke for me, for years. Starting in my teens … til, well, I honestly don’t want to say. Have you heard of the joke, “here come’s the emotional roller coaster”? While I heard this, from time to time, I hated it, as I knew it to be true. My emotions could be at the whim of the environment, people, and situations. I was living in reaction and 1) felt no control 2) didn’t feel like I knew what was next so that led to worry and also 3) it was exhausting. Exhausting for me, and for others around me. Do you relate?
When I was “in an emotion” I lived and breathed it. Anxiety, jealousy, fear, distress, stress, anger … imagine an actor with those exaggerated emotions and you can imagine what I looked like. These feelings and emotions would flow in and out dependent upon everything but me. No control = no responsibility.
In fact, it was reinforced that it was OK to be like this. It was “normal” female behavior, or annoying but acceptable.
Truth
I now know this to be UNTRUE. The first seed of change was the awareness that it IS possible to control emotions. The watering of the seed was the learning process of noticing the emotions, questioning how the roller coaster was serving me, and focusing inward – discovering what did I NEED in that moment and what was the TRUTH. The growth and breakthrough from seed to strong fruitful tree, was a challenging practice until it became a habit.
With mean determination to mindfully RESPOND with appropriately emotions, I have become more centered, more flexible, more energized, and a happier person.
Yes, I still get mad, sad, anxious and on the flip side, all the good and goofy stuff too, but I can mindful of the responses to my feelings so they are connection building, instead of disconnecting.
Open to possibility
Sometimes seeing a new mindset, or learning new information can start the development of emotional intelligence to get OFF THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER. In coaching we can use the Enneagram to see where you are, and where to grow to. We can work on setting boundaries, becoming aware of your feelings, needs, and values, and identifying where the emotional change can best be served. Emotional intelligence follows you everywhere! What would be possible when Emotional agility, and mindful responses become your norm?
My norm:
- healthy marriage
- working 2 jobs that I LOVE
- more present with my daughter
- sleep better at night.
- feel calmer and more relaxed
Below is an educational TED talk about emotions. Hopefully it will be the seed you need to take the first step to change, with developing awareness that YOU HAVE CONTROL of emotions – not the other way around. Check out the video, the last 5 minutes were wowza for me. What did you think?
